Self judgement is the root cause of all the problems

The minute I open my eyes, my mind chatter starts. I am not a good mother,  I am so lazy and unorganized I have not completed my to-do list, How stupid am I, I made such silly comments, I am not capable, I messed up so on and so forth. While self-doubt is constantly running in the background, I got a call from a client to do a workshop. I see self-sabotaging thoughts emerging from fear of failure, fear of being rejected, and fear of being judged.  Aren't we underestimating how self-judgment is the root cause of all our problems and sabotaging our life?

It's normal to experience moments of self-judgment, not just when faced with a challenging task or situation, but in day-to-day life scenarios too. In this blog, I am going to discuss why it is important to practice self-awareness, what strategies we can use to better manage self-judgment, and how we can work towards creating an inner dialogue that is kinder and more constructive.

Whenever you find it difficult to talk to a stranger, take decisions, ask a question, take up a challenge, share your ideas, or feel any emotions like anger, sadness, jealousy, insecurity, etc, check what is underneath that. Are you judging yourself? Do you feel I am not good enough, I am unloved, I am not capable, I am not smart enough to decide, and so on and so forth? 

Going into this self-judgment zone is quite a subconscious process. You might not even be aware that what you are doing or feeling is because of self-judgment.

Feel free to try one or more steps mentioned below when you are judging yourself:

1. The first step is to be aware and acknowledge that ‘I am judging myself’. When we practice self-awareness, it helps us to become mindful of our thoughts, feelings, and actions.  So get present with the thoughts, feelings, and actions.

2. Take a few deep breaths and ground yourself.

3. Check from where you have picked this belief. Whose judgmental dialogue/comment are you repeatedly telling yourself? This can be from our childhood. For example, I remember my school teacher telling me 'I will never be successful in my life', and my mom telling me 'I am lazy and fickle-minded.'  I constantly repeat these sentences in my head.  Being aware of where did I pick it from can help in understanding why we have certain beliefs or expectations, and how those beliefs may be influencing our behavior. By understanding our own thought patterns, we can begin to challenge them and create new, healthier habits.

4. Ask yourself, Is this judgment true or Is it habitual to judge? Observe how addicted you are to criticizing and judging yourself. 

5. Remind to stay STOP, when you catch yourself being extremely self-critical.

· I am always like this

· I am so dumb

· I always mess up

· I am really stupid to do such a silly mistake

· I can never get it right

· I am lazy

· I am inconsistent

· I am not strong enough

· I am this or that,

· I am not this or that

6. Observe what triggers the judgmental thoughts. When you notice the trigger or a pattern, slow down. Keep track of the triggers, it will help you to process them and be aware the minute the judgment arises.

7. Check, as a child have you been compared to. That you have gotten into the practice of constantly comparing yourself to your friend, spouse, sibling, neighbor, cousin, colleague, etc. As you love to prove you are right that 'you are never enough'.

8. Ask yourself, how many unrealistic and high expectations you have of yourself. Can you release yourself from that pressure of trying to be a perfect superhuman? Can you accept you are just being human?

9. Give yourself time to practice trusting yourself and consciously outgrow this habit of self-judgment.

10. Check, does this judgment need change, growth, or forgiveness.

11.  Take the support of a friend or counselor to recognize and reframe these judgmental beliefs.

 Share your insights from this blog. What actions will you bring in to change the quality of your choices?

 

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