Toxic Positivity Vs. Healthy Positivity

 Toxic Positivity Vs. Healthy Positivity

Toxic positivity is a term used to describe an over-emphasis on optimism, where someone is consistently trying to put a positive spin on negative events or circumstances. Phrases such as

“Don’t worry, everything will be okay”

“Cheer up!”

"Come on see the positive side"

"Don't be weak, Stay strong"

"Be Positive"

"Its ok"

"I am fine"

"Everything happens for a reason"

"Be a man"

"What's wrong with you, you are upset for such a small thing"

"Don't cry"

are used to make the situation or the person feel better without truly recognizing the other person's emotions. While it may seem like this is a helpful response, it can be damaging in the long run, as it doesn’t allow people to truly process their emotions and instead encourages them to ignore them and shut down all their feelings and experiences.

Positivity becomes toxic when we jump steps. When we are in a hurry to feel positive and good. This toxic positivity can be damaging because it doesn’t allow people to feel and process their emotions. What is the hurry to come to a positive state of mind? We will eventually reach that state. By not validating someone’s feelings, doesn’t allow them to address the root of their emotions, so they never really get to the bottom of the issue. They will not feel gotten, understood, or heard. That will leave the hurt or issue unattended. The feelings will be pushed under the carpet, which will burst out in a volcanic reaction someday.

A better and more conscious approach would be to be more empathetic and understanding. Instead of trying to make someone feel better by minimizing or dismissing their emotions, it is better to listen to what they are saying and validate their feelings. This can be done by being with their difficult emotions, acknowledging their emotions, and accepting them and their feelings. This will help them accept themselves and reassure them that they are understood. This can make space for them to open up a dialogue that allows them to work through their emotions and come up with solutions to the problem.

It is good to learn to be mindful of how we respond to people in difficult situations and not rely on toxic positivity to make them feel better, including ourselves. By being with people and not trying to fix them instantly, we can create an environment where an individual can truly process and work through their emotions.

There is an unrealistic expectation that an individual must remain positive in all circumstances and ignore or deny any negative emotions or experiences. Toxic positivity is the belief that people should maintain a positive mindset no matter how difficult a situation is. Somehow people don't like being with negative and difficult emotions. Everyone only wants happy faces, even if it is a pretense that everything is fine.

It's important to remember that 'it's okay Not to Be Okay', 'it's ok to not always be happy', and that it's normal to experience a range of emotions. By feeling those emotions we are being Human. Suppressing negative emotions can lead to long-term problems, such as depression, and anxiety, and eventually contribute to physical health issues. Instead of maintaining a façade of relentless positivity, it's important to accept and process all emotions and experiences, whether positive or negative. In this way, we can embrace all parts of ourselves and our life experiences. When we embrace we will organically come to a positive state of mindset and move forward in a more meaningful and healthier way.

By being authentic about our feelings and emotions and accepting the situation we automatically come to healthy positivity. This healthy positivity helps us to deal with life situations. It supports facing difficult situations by being grounded and aware. Being positive is not wrong. But forcing positivity too soon, even before feeling the feelings, adds stress and makes it heavy to deal with.

So first observe that the other person is disturbed, and listen lovingly, without interrupting. Acknowledge the feelings and experiences. Embrace and accept it 'AS IS'. Be genuine and authentic about the situation. Compassionately hold space and patiently wait for them to come to healthy positivity.

Do not forget to hold space and follow the same for yourself too. There is no hurry to Be Positive.

Sunitha Kolar

Life Coach