What stops us from enjoying our life fully?

My friend says “I wanna talk to you, will call you in the evening.” My mind goes on a ride of overthinking. What is it? Did I do something? The last time when I spoke to her she was not herself, maybe she was upset with me. What if she says she does not want to be my friend? People always leave me. I know I am not good enough to be anyone’s friend. But she was rude to me, why should I understand her always. I feel so stressed, what does she want to talk to me about?  Is it about……

This train of thoughts has no stop. In my head, these can go on and on till my friend comes and tell me, “Hey listen, I wanted your red saree for a function.”

So what stops us from enjoying life fully?

There are many things but one thing which is predominantly stopping us is ‘Overthinking’. This is a very common habit in most of us.

We are so used to overthinking….. every aspect, every situation, every thought, and every comment we need to overthink. We need to know every nitty-gritty, every detail, and every step to what’s happening, what will happen, how will it unfold, when will it happen, and so on. We keep circling into the question ‘Why’. ‘Why me’, ‘why this’, ‘why not like this’, and so on. Our train of overthinking doesn’t stop there. Now it will go to What if.  ‘What if’ is a brilliant question that can help us to prepare ourselves for any situa


tion, presentation, task, or problem. But we can go spiralling down with What if this will happen, what If I fail, what if I mess up, what if I end up lonely, what if I make mistake, what if she gets upset, what if I ……….

Our mind goes into questioning, doubting, analysing, controlling, judging, and much more thinking. By overthinking we create problems that are not even there.

How do you know whether you are overthinking or thinking? When you are overthinking, you spiral down and feel extremely low, confused, and lost. You have not got clarity. But when you are preparing, you are thinking with what, when, where, why, and how questions. You feel well prepared for the event. You are clear with your thoughts and actions.

I consciously had to come out of this habit to find peace in life. 


Here are some steps that helped me stop overthinking:

 

1.       Self-aware -  being aware that, ‘I am overthinking’ is the first step

2.       Choosing consciously to stop overthinking – Whenever you catch yourself overthinking, tell yourself loudly ‘STOP’.

3.       Have a structure that reminds you- It can be habitual to overthink so create a structure that will pull you out of this habit. You can set an alarm to pull you from the past/ future and bring yourself to the present. It can be as simple as setting an alarm every hour to take 3 conscious breaths. You can stick a post-it to remind you to not overthink.

4.       You always have a choice-Instead of focusing on problems you can think of various solutions and choices you have right now.

5.       Face the paper tigers- ask yourself, ‘what worst can happen if I do this.’ By naming the fears, you are putting them out of your system. By seeing your fears you get present to the paper tigers in your head. We don’t have to worry or get scared of the paper tiger. It is not as dangerous as a real tiger.

6.       Hands-on creativity- Start thinking with your hands. i.e make something with your hands. This will shift your energy from overthinking to creating.

7.       Share – Move from Monologue in your head to dialogue with a friend, who can listen deeply. When you share, you are listening to yourself. That will stop you from spiraling down and give you clarity about your next steps.

8.       Let go- Let go of the control. Let go of the regret of the past and worry about the future. Let go of being a perfectionist. Let go of the need to know all the answers in advance. Let go of plans- A, B, and C.

9.       Be in Allowance- Being in allowance means you are not judging yourself or anyone or anything around you. Permit yourself, everything, and everyone to BE without resisting or judging, or concluding.

10.   Detach from the outcome- Surrender to God/universe. He/She knows the better plan for you. Detach from the outcome/result you are attached to. Just ask “What contribution can this be to me”.

Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe says Mark Twain. So stop struggling to pay the debt you don’t own and start enjoying life fully.

P.c – From Pinterest.

Sunitha Kolar

Life Coach / Mentor/ Facilitator


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