Please don’t love me.....

You must be wondering? We all want people to love us and what is this?? She is saying “Please don’t love me!”

Read it until the end to know why..

Over the last month, I had some health issues.  Last week, I even had to be hospitalized. I am doing well now. I am truly grateful for such difficult situations because they always bring a lesson… a gift in disguise.  I got a lot of time to observe human behavior and also reflect on myself.

Initially I was trying to heal myself with Naturopathy as I don’t like taking tablets😬.  So I was

advised to be on a water diet. I was on a water diet for a week. On the 4th day my mom

came to visit me. She could not see me so weak and in pain. Next morning she called me

and yelled at me. She spoke to me as if I was an 8yr old child forgetting that I was 40 years now. 

She said, ”I haven’t slept the entire night.  Look at you how weak you have become.  I will break

your legs if you don’t go to the doctor.….” 😂.. By then I had anyway decided to visit the doctor.

Telling her that was still not helping. I do get her love and her concern for me. But I had no energy to explain to her at that time. She expected me to get well immediately. My friends who visited the hospital were in tears when they saw me. They said and did things which were not very supportive to me at that time. I just smiled at them, knowing that it is love and good intentions.

These incidents made me think, a quality that we all have. We can’t BE or SEE our loved ones in pain. You might have seen when a child falls down, parents whack the child and say “can’t you be careful😡”. The child who falls down not only has to bear the pain of the hurt but also get scared and worry that the parent will get angry.

When I am ill or suffering or facing a difficult situation in life, the people who love me … who care for me (with all the good intentions) will get upset and angry with me and my actions.  Seeing me in pain, they might feel so much pain that they lose themselves. If we want to support and be there for our loved ones, don’t we have to be calm and grounded? When WE are calm in a difficult situation, we will be able to support people we love. Losing ourselves, getting angry or upset means our loved ones along with handling the problem also have to deal with one more problem of handling our fear, anxieties and emotions.

We grew up seeing people and movies which show that people can hit us or yell at us because they love us and are worried for us. Sometimes people might also doubt that if you are not creating any drama by worrying or screaming… and you are calm and present in the moment…maybe you don’t love them. We are not taught how to BE with our loved ones when they go through difficult experiences. 

Some years ago, If I see someone crying and hurt… I would also cry and worry with them. I was not very helpful to them obviously.  I have screamed and gotten angry to show how much I care for them , how much I am worried about them, so that it evidently shows how much I love them. Then subconsciously I expect the same in return.

Let me share an incident with you after I got introduced to this skill of being with difficult emotions (Sometimes I still struggle and have to remind myself to just BE).  Eight years ago, my son had a fall that left a hole in his head. It was bleeding. (I can’t see blood but I still chose to stay calm so that I can support him) I looked at him. Held him in my arms. Told him “I understand it's hurting. Do not worry about the blood. We will go to the doctor right now. They will stitch the wound… it will be painful but Amma will be with you”. I took him on my bike to the nearest hospital. We finished the painful procedure and came back home. My husband, who knew how paranoid I can get …..was surprised when he saw in the night that I had not called him frantically or crying loudly 😉😎.

I am grateful for all the people who love me and want good for me💓. But I do fear, If you love me then you will get upset or angry with me, and you will also have certain expectations from me.. …. When I have to deal with these emotions and expectations along with my painful process… then  I feel PLEASE DON'T LOVE ME. It would help me if I am loved without any conditions. Have you ever felt that?

It does not mean I am not open for feedback. I am willing to hear from my friends and family, where I am sabotaging my life. When I am in a difficult situation  I feel like telling, please trust me and my decisions. But for now, please I only want to be hugged, loved, gotten and accepted. 

If I love someone, don’t I want to be there for them? I don't have to fix their problem or make it easy for them….but at least I should not add more stress to them. I can love and accept them without any conditions.

Can we learn to love in a way that adds value to their life, not stress?

Can we learn to love without attachment?

Can we love and be loved unconditionally?

P.S.: In this blog, I have shared my experiences and learnings vulnerably.  There are no intentions to judge, gossip or put down anyone.